What God must feel like sometimes...

Earlier this week a very close friend of mine and I got into an argument and as a result she hasn't talked to me since. I've tried to send her txts and online messages apologizing but she's refusing to answer back and has since blocked me from trying to reach online. At first I thought it was silly how upset she got and that she'd come around and we'd be talking again like usual and she still might come around and start talking to me again but for the past week I've been really frustrated and rather upset that she won't give me the light of day. I really wish she'd come back and talk to me. Honestly, at this point I don't really care if all she did was yell at me and everything she said to me was negative. Half of it would probably be true anyway. Atleast then she'd be talking to me and we'd get things out in the open. This whole silence deal and being ignored even after my persistent txt messages and IMs is probably more hurtful than anything she'd say verbally. I've known her for 6 years and nothing before has shut her off like it has now. It feels like 6 years is going down the drain over one verbal argument and despite my best efforts, she isn't willing to work it out. Does 6 years of friendship and loyalty not mean anything to her? Do I mean so little that she's ok with just completely shutting off all interaction?

I had a thought today that my situation with my friend is a lot like how it must feel like to God when I get mad at Him or when I just choose not to talk to or spend any time with Him, even despite His promptings and gentle urgings for me to spend time with Him. I haven't spent as much time with God since moving to Bloomington. I've had a serious personal relationship with Him since 7th grade and all through jr. high and high school, we've maintained a good relationship. And then college started at IUSB. Things were still going well until I decided to move to Bloomington and attend IU. It's so easy to stay up late Saturday night and then be too tired and just decide to skip Sunday morning services when it's only me going by myself. It's also very easy to be consumed with classes, homework, working at the BGC and trying to have a social life to be too busy to spend any time in personal quiet time with God. I've even gone days without thinking to pray. Even with Sunday night college Connexion and the small reminders God sends everyday to let me know He's very much real and present in everyday life, I still often choose to ignore Him and not give him the attention He not only wants from me but very much deserves from me. I can't help but think how I'm feeling now by being ignored by my friend is very similar to how God feels when I choose to ignore Him.

I need to work more on my end of my relationships, especially with God, before getting upset about how others don't hold up their end. God hasn't given up on me even though I've chosen to ignore Him more often than I care to admit. I need to get that relationship back to where it should be. And then I guess all I can do is pray that my relationship with my friend will someday go back to how it used to be. God hasn't given up on me. I'm not going to give up on my friend. I really hope she talks to me soon.